it begins with me -holly schumacher
Sunday, October 30, 2011 at 7:15PM Sometimes, I can't figure out if I do it to myself. As I'm writing this post at 1:05 am on a Sunday morning, I get a random phone call from a guy named Bubba who I met a year ago. He was going through his phone, deleting phone numbers and came upon "Holly Hottie". Wanted to put a face to the number... OK... this is what I deal with.
Do I know you from somewhere?
Why do you leave me wanting more?
Why do all the things I say
Sound like the stupid things I've said before?
-Madonna
A month ago I had a guy who found me interesting and called me and texted - everyday. He even told me when he across the street at the Gas Station, made me dinner and then the next week- non existent. Did I push him away with unknowing actions? Was his persistence making me uncomfortable? It was nice and comforting to have someone to be so interested in me.
Traveling down this road
Watching the signs as I go
I think I'll follow the sun
Isn't everyone just
Traveling down their own road
Watching the signs as they go
I think I'll follow my heart
It's a very good place to start
-Madonna
A best friend who wants to have sex with me for a reason I don't know, I'm clearly in love with him and I know he won't date me. Though he wants to have sex with me... and I'm okay with it. I allow it to happen, knowing that when I wake up in the morning, he's still a friend? Am I his back up plan? Do i keep other men at a distance waiting out for this one guy? I once again allowed him to toy with my emotions for his selfish gain.
My substitute for love
Should I wait for you
I had so many lovers...
-Madonna
I work with a girl who is dominating, strong alpha female who rules with an iron fist. She's not rude to everyone, why is she rude to me? Is it because I allow the behavior? Why? For what reason? So that she can feel dominant? So I can play the victim? Does she feel the need to be in control, because I intimidate her? I allow her to treat me in a horrible way. Why do I allow her to make me feel like she's dominant and controlling? Is it all in my head?
By accepting how people treat me, I am telling them that behavior is acceptable.
I'm forgiving. I like that I am and I don't hold grudges. Though, I need to stand up for myself. My best friend Leighann keeps telling me once I start standing up for myself that I won't look back.
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me
I realize
That nobody wins
Something is ending
And something begins
-Madonna
It begins with me.
- holly schumacher
Reader Comments (5)
I have come to accept that I cannot know everything I wish to know (the reasons of people's behavior towards me). But it is also true that, even though the reasons may remain a mystery, their actions towards me can be modified by holding your ground. The valuable things I have obtained in life have rarely come without a sacrifice though. Many times I have had to sacrifice complacency to learn or obtain something new. In life, it's necessary to sacrifice the comforting belief that things will change by themselves to create a new environment for oneself. I haven't always gained what I've expected to when I start a journey of change... but everything I have ever gained has been fulfilling and eye-opening.
And you are right... your journey towards change does start with you.
The only three tools needed:
1. A genuine desire to create change in you and, hence, in others around you.
2. The courage, not only to start the journey, but to withstand the shock of learning what is it that's truly holding you back.
3. The persistence to understand that the journey never truly ends... yet it is eternally fulfilling.
Ok, why would you give your name to a guy named Bubba? Let's be honest, that is not the name you can call out in bed
Anyone named Bubba is up to no good...
Oops, Amy beat me to it. :)
YIKES!
Are these really Madonna quotes?